The Skills You Need to Survive Stress When It Hits

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." - William James

"Have you ever been in a situation where you felt your world was ending? When the stress was overwhelming and you were so miserable, all you wanted to do was wallow in it and growl at the world from underneath the bed covers?

Or maybe you worry about things that might happen in the future. Do you see a minor accident on the road and have those flashes of imagining that your partner or your child died in a car crash?

Does your imagination crawl in horror over how you might survive such a terrible event?

Or maybe your cousin has had a stroke and you wonder if it runs in the family and you’re next.

Do you wonder how you would cope if that were the real situation? Do you think that you have resources and strategies you need to get yourself through the crisis?

My coping mechanisms were severely tested recently. Here’s my story and what I learned about gratitude and coping with stress.

Waking Up with Only Half My Face Working

Three weeks ago, I woke up to find I was suffering from semi-facial paralysis. My right eye did not blink or close. My mouth could barely open on the affected side. And when I tried to smile, I could only manage a very crooked grin—the right side just didn’t move.

The pain was bad, shooting up into my head like an electric shock landing in the center of my brain.

I woke up my husband. The ambulance came and I was rushed off to A&E or ER or, in my case, in Portugal, the Sala da Emergência.

I thought I’d had a stroke. I lay on the trolley, feeling sorry for myself and wondering what kind of life I might have by the end of the day.

How Learning to Cope with Stress is Like Learning to Fish When Hungry

Some people seem to cope effortlessly with whatever life throws at them—maybe it’s genetics, maybe it’s upbringing. But most of us struggle. We have to work hard to find peace amidst a storm of chaos.

Sometimes it feels too overwhelming and we sink into despair, anxiety, depression. We turn to crutches such as comfort food, sleeping pills, or alcohol.

But a crutch is a temporary fix, to tide you over. Long-term crutches can mean you forget how to walk. We need to embody skills that work for the rest of our lives.

It’s like teaching a man to fish. Show him how to use a fishing rod and he has a means of getting food for the rest of his life. It’s the same for coping with stress. We need skills, strategies, and tools we can use on a daily basis so that when the blows strike, we’re ready and resilient.

So where can we look for the skills and fishing rods that help us cope with overwhelming stress?

Learning to Use 5 Fishing Rods That Hook You Away from Stress

Here are basic skills that I drew on when I was waiting to hear the medical verdict in hospital.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an expert on any of these skills. But these are the ones that worked for me. There are others. But maybe you wouldn’t have thought of these basic things as skills or tools that actually work to cope with life-threatening events.

1. Breathing is the simplest tool.

Yeah, well, we all do that all the time, don’t we?

Yes, we do. But stress tends to make us breathe more shallowly, so getting into the habit of regular deep breathing when you’re not stressed can help dissipate the crippling effects of stress when it strikes you hard.

Deep breathing triggers your parasympathetic nervous system and quietens the fight or flight response. (I did deep breathing in the MRI machine.)

2. Meditation is another.

Down the millennia, learning to meditate has started with concentrating on breathing, but you can take it further. With practice comes peace and transforming happiness. It takes time and regular practice. Then meditation gives you a place to go to find the calm to cope with harrowing life events. (I used this as a means of getting through the pain to sleep.)

3. Exercise.

When you’re feeling that miserable, the last thing you may feel like doing is to go out walking or running or down to the gym. But exercise triggers endorphins in your brain, so it’s a great tool to help you cope with stressful events. It can be as effective as drugs in controlling pain and stress.

See it as a tool you can use to lift a mood, even just a little bit, and soon you’ll see exercise as a great stress buster. (Actually, I didn’t use this tool, as I could barely walk because my balance was affected. But I’m starting to use it as I improve.)

4. Talk to friends and family.

Just telling people about a problem can help you. You’ll feel supported if you feel someone’s listening. Feeling acknowledged gives you strength to cope. Developing your social network is a vital life skill. (Can’t thank my friends, neighbors, and family enough for the support they’ve given me. They were wonderful!)

5. Choose your reaction.

You may have no choice about being flung into a stressful crisis, but you do have the choice of how you’re going to react. Our immediate reaction might be fight or flight followed by a large dose of panic. Much better to pause and engage the brain to give yourself mental space to concentrate on choosing how to react." ... read more

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